


He loves me, he loves me not (...he loves me?)

by BeautifulButterfly13



Category: GOT7
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Blood, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:33:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25325455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautifulButterfly13/pseuds/BeautifulButterfly13
Summary: He would've never thought he'd be coming home to find a heaving, wheezing Yugyeom in the middle of their living room.He definitely couldn't have imagined that Yugyeom would be throwing up flowers.
Relationships: Kim Yugyeom & Park Jinyoung, Kim Yugyeom/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	He loves me, he loves me not (...he loves me?)

_**Hanahaki Disease** : An unusual illness in which, due to one-sided love, roots grow in a person's respiratory system, filling their lungs with flowers, causing them to cough up petals. If not treated the consequences could be fatal, the victim eventually throwing up entire flowers, provoking asphyxia._

_The roots can be removed through medical surgery but the feelings dissappear along with the disease. And, often times, as a side effect, patients affirm they no longer have the capacity of falling in love again._

*

He would've never thought he'd be coming home to find a heaving, wheezing Yugyeom in the middle of their living room.

Dropping his stuff unceremoniously Jinyoung hurried to the boy struggling for air, doing the first thing that came to mind and passed his arms around his middle, applying pressure to his abdomen as he moved his hand closed in a fist upwards, causing whatever was blocking the other's airway to come out.

He definitely couldn't have imagined that Yugyeom would be throwing up flowers.

A single, small bud, to be precise; all crumpled up with its petals falling off, scattered around the boy, _coated in his blood_.

He watched the scene unfolding in front of him in horror.

Yugyeom had dropped to his knees as soon as he released him when the shock of seeing what he saw made his grip go lax, he was gasping to recover the air that had been denied to him and coughing as more blood spurted from his mouth.

When his fit finally eased up, he let out a chuckle that seemed to rattle inside his chest.

"Sorry." His voice was quiet and hoarse, it probably hurt to talk. "That must've been terrible to witness."

Jinyoung came to his senses as the boy turned towards his general direction but didn't lift his head to look at him, immediately going to his side to try and help him up, his mind in a haze with the only clear thought being _make sure he's alright_.

Without caring about stepping on the remains of his roommate's outburst he grabbed a hold of him and hoisted him onto the couch. And the boy just let himself be guided, not making an effort of his own—not even to get rid of the blood sliding down his chin.

More than what just happened before his very eyes what perturbed Jinyoung the most was the lack of reaction from the other, as if this were nothing out of the ordinary... like he was already used to it.

Unable to wrap his head around any of it at the moment he decided to focus on what he could do so, though reluctant to take his eyes away from Yugyeom, he went to get a towel from the bathroom, placing it under the running water of the sink for a bit, to use to clean him up. Cradling his face, he wiped it with gentle swipes.

The younger's gaze seemed lost, fixed on Jinyoung but without really looking at him.

He managed to clear all the blood that had trailed from his chin, down his jaw and to his neck, even the traces smudged on his lips, but a few drops had stained his shirt, and his fingers—which were also smeared from trying to stop his coughs—had already left prints were they lay on the sofa. He cleaned his hands up anyway.

Throwing away the soiled piece of cloth, having nothing else to distract himself with, not daring to touch the wrecked thing that could've been beautiful if not for what it meant, he just stood there.

Jinyoung wasn't stupid, he _knew_ what all this was about but it still cost him a lot to assimilate the situation.

He didn't want to accept it.

But watching the boy sitting right there, totally unresponsive, eyes downcast as he was surrounded by his own blood and _those petals_ , like he had already came to terms with it, urged him to.

When he felt he'd be able to take it in, he finally spoke.

"Yugyeom..."

However, that was as far as he could go, his throat feeling constricted, _almost as if the same were about to happen to him_.

"It's okay," said instead the boy from across him, voice still faint, expression still blank.

And suddenly Jinyoung exploded.

"How is this okay!?" He didn't want to yell, didn't want to reproach his friend. "How is _any_ of this okay?" He just wanted him to react, to freak out like he was because— "Yugyeom you just threw up a damn flower," and saying it out loud made it all the more real, "You almost _choked_ on it," as if having been the one to prevent it wasn't proof enough of that. "It's that hana- _something_ illness, right?" And _why_? Why of the low chances for it to occur it had to happen to _him_? "Do you know what it means?" He looked straight at the other with such a vehement gaze, willing him to meet his eyes, to understand the gravity of the situation. "You're—"

" _I know_ ," Yugyeom cut him off before he could say more, stressing the words, blinking rapidly, hands curling into fists, "I know..." voice breaking.

He was quiet for a long moment after and it seemed like he wasn't going to say anything else but he was showing emotion at last that Jinyoung didn't dare interrupt the silence. Then finally, "That's why I'm getting the surgery."

The surgery. The one that would save his life by getting rid of his feelings. Jinyoung should be glad to hear that, delighted that his friend was thinking rationally instead of relaying on sentiment for something as delicate as this when, apparently, a rather large amount of people who suffered from _hanahaki_ decided against the operation than forget about the feelings causing them to be sick. He should be happy Yugyeom was going for the safe option.

And yet there was a nagging feeling in his chest that prompted him to ask, "Are you sure?" _(because—)_ "What if you can't—"

"If they don't love me back then what does it matter!" There was the anguish Jinyoung had wanted to hear from him all along, but watching that reaction did nothing to alleviate his own distress. Seeing his friend like this hurt. "I know I probably shouldn't have fallen in love with them but do I really have to die because of it?" The despair on his face pulled at his heartstrings, made him feel impotent, useless, not being able to do anything to erase all traces of it. "I don't want to wait any longer." Yugyeom's voice was back to being just a murmur, so quiet he almost didn't catch what he said next, "I'm scared..." He looked down, seeming ashamed of himself.

As if fearing death were something to be ashamed of.

Not a lot of people who suffered from this got to have their happy ending. And his friend, judging by the event that just took place, didn't really seem to afford the luxury of being wasting time.

"Okay," he said as that fact dawned on him. "Okay. So..." He should be asking _when_ —when is your surgery? I want to be there for you—but what came out instead was: "For how long?"

"Half a year."

And Jinyoung's eyes widened. That wasn't the answer he expected at all. He knew a person was able to live with the infection (if it could even be called that) for a long time in some cases but to hear that Yugyeom had been dealing with it basically since they started living together...

_And how come he never noticed until now? Until his friend's misery was staring him right in the face._

"It wasn't so bad at first," Yugyeom continued, as if reading his mind. "I think it was because, at the time, I didn't know who it was I had fallen in love with," he let out a self-deprecating laugh, "hadn't realized how I felt, didn't know I liked them as more than a friend. Silly, right?"

 _A friend_.

"Then I figured it out and my condition worsened so I went to see a doctor. He told me I should get treatment as soon as possible if I didn't want it to grow further, hanahaki not having _a specific estimation of the time it would take before reaching a critical state, being different for everyone._ " His intonation made it seem like he was quoting the explanation just as said by the doctor, kind of mocking. "But I wanted to think this through." A beat passed in which his eyes glazed over, spacing out, and when he came to he scoffed, apparently, at his own thoughts. "Guess I should've agreed right away. I've had this for months and I was fine, now it's only been weeks and see," he extended his arms at his sides, showing the damage the disease had caused on the short amount of time: he was thin, maybe not too much as to consider it a striking difference from before but nonetheless, he also looked pale, paler than his already fair skin which only made the dark circles under his eyes more prominent, his whole semblance appearing so, _so_ tired.

The flower, its petals and the _blood_ a mess at his feet.

Yugyeom let his arms fall back down, dropping against the cushions—lifeless, defeated, _resigned_ , his voice a mere whisper when he said, "I don't want to die."

Jinyoung couldn't take watching the boy who used to be so vibrant, so full of life being reduced to this because of someone who didn't see him like he wanted to be seen, because of a _friend_.

He walked towards the boy who looked so small despite his big frame and gathered him in his arms, trying to offer the comfort he wasn't so sure he could give but that he _wanted to_ all the same.

When his precious friend started sobbing agaisnt his chest, tears making his shirt damp as he clung desperately to it... it was all he could do to keep his own from falling.

**Author's Note:**

> this probably sucks but I've had it on my drafts for such a long time and was never satisfied enough with it so I'm just posting it already. Hope someone likes it ;A;


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